Now I’m a happily married man but I am reliably informed by my single friends that dating websites and Apps are the new way to find romance in this increasingly disconnected digital world.
A few years ago, I seem to remember they were the same people who used to spend all their spare time in the chiller section of M&S and Waitrose hoping to bump into Mr. or Mrs. Perfect.
However, I think they might all be sadly misguided. The fact that they’re still single tells me that they’re going about things in the wrong way. I’m happy to say I think I might have come up with the ultimate dating solution.
According to a report that I’ve just made up, Attic Self Storage is the ideal place to discover your significant other.
It makes perfect sense if you think about it. The sheer wealth and variety of people who walk through our doors means taking out a storage unit with us significantly increases the likelihood of you meeting someone who’s on your wavelength.
For starters – you’ve got storage in common. It’s the perfect icebreaker:
“Do you come here often?” “Yes, I’ve got 24 hour access!”
All sorts of people use self storage facilities for all sorts of reasons. Sadly – or possibly fortunately – divorce and break-ups are quite high up on the list. So the chance of running into someone who’s in need of a hug and a shoulder to cry on are quite high…
Then again, we’ve got romantically unattached customers running successful businesses out of Attic; sporty types who use us to store their exercise equipment; DJs with incredible record collections; fashion designers with racks of ready-to-wear wedding gowns; insomniac intellectuals who visit their library of books, to re-read The Iliad at 3am in the morning.
Judging by the amount of bubble wrap we sell, we’ve probably even got a few closet fetishists who just like wrapping stuff in bubble wrap, including themselves.
It’s never hard to strike up a conversation with a fellow customer. The Mills and Boon version would go a bit like this:
Brad punched in his unique four-digit key code and the doors slid open. That’s when he spotted Cassy, in her ripped vintage dungarees, trying to negotiate the corridor with her trolley.
‘Hey, I notice you’re struggling with your boxes, let me lend you a hand’, he ventured.
‘Oh, that’s very kind of you… I’m just moving in to the first floor’, she whispered breathlessly.
‘I’m heading for the lift. Let me show you the way…’, said Brad gallantly.
His muscular arms guided Cassy and her well-laden trolley to her spacious new storage unit.
‘Would you like to come in for a coffee or something?’, she suggested
‘Yes’, said Brad, ‘Which box is your kettle in?’
As far as I know, we haven’t had any marriage proposals on the premises just yet, but it can only be a matter of time. And if you don’t know where to find an unusual venue to get hitched – somewhere clean, high-tech, with smart lighting – I’ve only got one thing to tell you:
1/ Don’t. 2/ If you do insist on starting a life in London – as a student, a new parent, or as a ca...
7 Feb 2022